Yes, Seriously....

Was I really complaining about a cold and conjunctivitis? Yes, I was. Ahh, perspective. So two days after that post, I felt like maybe I was coming down with bronchitis. And the morning after that, I was in the hospital with 103 fever and bilateral pneumonia!! They kept me in the ER for about 7 hours through 2 rounds of motrin to bring the fever down, IV antibiotics and IV hydration. My blood pressure was about 100/50 because I was so dehydrated from the fever. I had 3 breathing treatments and was still only at 50% lung capacity. My low pulse oxygen was setting off the monitor alarms. I was fortunate that my Mom was able to bring me to the ER (still wrapped in the blankets from my couch because I had such severe chills!) and then she was able to go pick up Bianca from after school care. She also spent the night at my house and did my shopping and cooking. Good thing because those first few days, I was one with my couch.
~
How the heck did this happen?? I've never had pneumonia before and hope to never get it again. It has been miserable. I was out of work for almost 2 weeks and even now, I'm still not at full capacity. Apparently there is a pneumonia vaccine and I'm first in line for that next year! I'm also at a point that I need to find a way to get more sleep and take better care of myself. I know that is the #1 culprit of how I get sick so easily. So that's where I'm at right now. Forced into slowing down and seeing the benefit of it!

And I say, again, Seriously????

So I made a decision this week to stay off Yahoo, Facebook, Blog, etc during the day so that I could focus on nothing but work. I'm behind and need to get some things done. I swear my body is allergic to organization!! I went to bed at 9:30 last night which is insanely early for me. Wake up at 3am with horrific pain in my eye. Hmmm....I've been here before....
I've got the viral conjunctivitis again....the one that requires isolation and takes 2-4 weeks to resolve. I'm in the office to gather my things and then I'm headed to the doctor then home. I think it's hilarious, for lack of a better word, that the circumstances are so similar to the last time. At least this time I didn't have a migraine, too. (Hope I didn't just jinx myself!!)

Open the Barn

So I've been ruminating an idea for a while. One that seems a little unconventional. And one I'm almost embarassed to admit to.
~
Hypnosis
~
I know nothing about it really. I heard an ad on the radio a couple months back for a center in my state. It's not terribly close to me but I have been pondering calling them. I looked up their website on the internet and I was intrigued. I bookmarked it and tucked it away in my head.
~
With the new year here, it's time to start focusing on some goals again and dealing with my food issues is front & center in my mind. I went to check out the bookmarked website and wouldn't you know it? The site was temporarily unavailable. I tried a different search just to see if I could get the phone# for the center. What came up instead? A woman right here in my town with 25 years experience, loads of testimonials, even some from compulsive eaters/food addicts, like myself. Her site says she can help with (among other things) weight, cravings, anxiety, stress, motivation, concentration, migraines, abuse issues, self esteem.
~
I decided to call her, expecting an answering machine but she answered the phone. She shared her history with me and how she got into this field. It was quite interesting! She told me that hypnosis is nothing more than the acceptance of suggestions. Traditional hypnosis is done by direct suggestion. "You will no longer want to binge." She said "this is like mowing the lawn to get rid of the weeds. The seed, the root, is still below the surface." She is specially trained to use an age regression technique, a deeper work to get rid of the "root". She said I will always be fully aware and fully in control. She can't make me say or do anything that I would not normally do in real life.
~
The subconscious thinks it's bringing us comfort. It kicks in to protect us when it senses anything that it identifies as a potential threat to our physical or emotional self. It is ageless, timeless, does not know "right" or "wrong" and it loves repetition. It cannot be reasoned with through the conscious mind. I know where my food issues began. I was taught to soothe with food and, even though it no longer serves me, it's now my learned behavior even when I don't want it. She said "you can't undo life but you can undo emotions." She said "We were never taught what to DO with all those emotions and how to handle them in a productive and healthy way. So what I will do with you is open the barn door and start shoveling manure until we hit cement!" (I *love* that statement!!)
~
I got a really, really good vibe from her. She told me she usually takes 4-6 sessions with someone. After 4, she will know if it's going to be effective. She's not even 10 minutes away from me at work but each session is 2 hours. I should be able to swing that for 4-6 weeks (once a week). So I made an appointment for a free consultation with her next week to talk more in depth about what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm very interested. I don't know if it will work for me but I feel like I've hit a plateau with therapy. I mean...I LOVE my T, don't get me wrong. But I still feel "stuck" in this same place as far as my eating disorder is concerned and I wonder if maybe this may help me by addressing it in a different way. In fact, I feel very stuck in my conscious mind...I try to intellectualize the problem. I try to reason with it. I can't make that transition to the subconscious, probably one of the reasons that inner child work is near impossible for me. She told me that during hypnosis, senses are enhanced 3-4,000 times what they normally are. I feel like this is worth a try for me and I hope I gain some positive benefit.

Forgiveness

I just love it when something unexpected happens and it gives me a new perspective.

~

Forgiveness is something I struggle with. I don't really understand it. Intellectually, I get the concept but I intertwine it with condoning and that makes it difficult for me to grasp.

~

We've all heard that forgiveness is not for the other person but rather to free ourselves. I didn't really get that until the other day when some bonehead was tailgating me. I think I'm getting old as I find that impatient (or just plain stupid) drivers really get on my nerves. Where does tailgating get you? Does it get you to your destination faster? How does it really pay off? I get angry and I become spiteful. I slow down sometimes just under the speed limit. I make sure to come to a full, 3 second stop. I watch the "offender" in my rear view mirror. I use all this energy and...for what? Who is being the bonehead now??

~

I felt a twinge of anger and defiance as I pondered my next move. I pulled over and waved the tailgater around me. Did that mean I was condoning his actions? No. It simply meant that I didn't want to waste MY energy worrying about him riding my bumper and I certainly wanted to stop acting childish by playing games on the road.

~

Hmmm....alot like forgiveness. No more games. No more trying to punish the other person. Because all it does is occupy my mind, sap my energy and surrounds me in negativity. While I felt a momentary sense of indignance letting him pass by me, I was able to quickly let it go with the realization that it brought me peace. Oohhh....that's the point. Tailgater no longer matters.....but I released myself from all that negative energy. I love perspective.