Tuesday, November 4, 2008


So this is me from 4:00 this morning. Well, at least it's my ugly, infected, swollen, goopy eye. My eye felt a little sore last night so I took out my contacts. It had a little red splotch at the inner corner and I thought I must have burst a blood vessel from vomiting during the migraine episode yesterday. Not uncommon due to the force of migraine vomiting.
Enter 4am and awakening to the sensation that my eye was about to burst out of my head. I look at it and the whole thing is blood red and (this is way gross, sorry....) the actual white part of my eye is bulging over the edges of my eyelid because it's so swollen. WTH?!?!?!???? It *KILLS*. It hurts so much, I can't even tell you. I deduce from the green goo that is oozing from it that I managed to catch my DD's pink eye. But I have no idea how it went from one little splotch to this in a matter of 6 hours. I've been using her eyedrops and it's not really getting any better. I have an eye Dr appt at 3:00. **See Update at end of post**
Not to mention that DD woke up at 4am also....I guess she heard me which is unlike her. Generally, I could have a Monster Truck Rally in her bedroom and she'd sleep through it. So she is going to have a rough day on top of it....AND we have choir rehearsal tonight so it's our late night. *sigh*
I just find it nearly comedic that the weekend I decide to pull my shit together, organize my life, start getting back on track and attracting positive energy to my days is the exact same time I got (1.) a cold (2.) a severe migraine and (3.) this hideous eye infection. Seriously?? Reprieve, please???
**Update After Dr** There is a reason DD's eyedrops were not working. DD had bacterial conjunctivitis. I have viral conjunctivitis. From eMedicine: Most cases of viral conjunctivitis are acute, benign, and self-limited. The infection usually resolves spontaneously within 2-4 weeks. (faint) Subepithelial infiltrates may last for several months, and, if in the visual axis, they may cause decreased vision or glare. Symptoms may worsen during the first 4-7 days after onset before they begin to improve and may not resolve for 2-4 weeks. The contagiousness of the infection also should be emphasized. Proper isolation from work or school is advisable to prevent epidemics in the office and at school. Patients should be instructed to take contagion and isolation precautions for at least 2 weeks or as long as the eyes are red and weeping.
Are you F***ing kidding me???? The Dr also told me I should go home and stay in isolation for a week. A WEEK??? I cannot deal. I don't know what I'm going to do.


Enola said...

A week? Oh my. On the plus side, it might be nice to have 1 week at home?

Hugs and prayers and well wishes.

Strong and determined said...

(((Hugs))) Hope your week is more restful and less stressful...even if it a major pain to take that kind of time off work!

Cassandra said...

feel better soon!!!!



shannon said...

So, I wrote a comment the other day to your "Snowball Effect", but because my 16 mo old son interrupted me and because I am plagued by technological challenges any time I try to replicate the word "verification", the comment was lost. I'm trying again.

First, I'm so sorry for your eye malady... I suppose that now you must wear your glasses for a week with the waaay-old perscription, too? Been there. So sorry for this pain you must now endure.

But further, I just wanted to reach out to let you know that I really appreciate your sharing about your struggles. Your candor and transparency have really made an impact on me.

Your office looks like mine. When I think about it all, it makes my stomach clench so tightly that it hurts. I have these strange, foreign pains that I can't even name and that I have no idea how to fix though I know they're surely stress-related. My anxiety level is off any chart I know of...

I'm not even sure how to begin any kind of plan to catch up that would make a difference. But, still I trudge forward, everyday.

I have similar mornings. I make the same attempts for organization, and try as I might, the neat "piles" are fleeting, desite my desparate attempts. It's exhausting... and it's a real problem for me, and often for my loved ones. I find myself paralyzed because I can't fathom how to make it better or how/what I should work on first to even make it slightly more manageable.

It's out-of-control, and that makes me feel out-of-control, so often it's scary.

I'm a working mom with a job that I truly love, but it's a job that takes an enormous amount of emotional energy - HR Director. I find myself somehow "skillfully" facilitating the resolution of colossal organizational challenges while my own small slice of humanity is suffering in chaos.

So, it's during these odd hours (husband and baby to bed finally)that I get these few minutes for myself. And I just wanted you to know that your words make a difference to me and that they make me feel like i am not alone in this struggle.

I applaud you for bringing some visibility to these circumstances some of us find ourselves in.

So often, no matter what I do, I just feel like I'm failing... like no one is proud of me or appreciates what I do, and I just can't get it together. I wonder if they only knew how hard I try?

I can relate to you on every level - abuse survivor (for me, rape), mom-struggling-to-do-it-right, conscientious employee, warrior.

Thank you for sharing all that you do.

Perfect said...

Thank you all for your comments.

I really appreciate you sharing what you have. At the end of the day, it's so crucial for us all to feel we're not alone. And while I find blogging therapeutic for myself, my hope is always that it will touch someone else so thank you for letting me know that it helped you. I could really relate to your statement of feeling like a failure. God knows I do!