Thursday, November 29, 2007

Holy, Holy Disturbing

Okay, I just about vomited my lunch right back out. I'm sitting here eating my salad and reading over the dreams. I'm paraphrasing some of my posts from this week into a word doc so I can share them with my T.

I cannot F**ing believe this didn't hit me until right now.

The snake dream: Someone told me about this snake and I want to say I think it might have been my brother. In any case, the snake had an addiction to heroin and it would come around looking to be rubbed down with heroin which it then apparently soaked in through it's skin. Whoever it was who told me about the snake (ie: my brother) told me that he was an understanding snake and it was safe to interact with him. If I didn't have heroin, I could just rub the snake and it would appease him enough and he'd leave. So I wasn't worried when the snake came to me looking to feed it's addiction. I didn't have heroin so I just rubbed the snake, rubbed him down with water and talked to him. He was happy with that and he left. This happened several times until he came to me in a seemingly "strung out" kind of state, swollen, angry, demanding. I was about to try my usual method of placating him when he began to hiss and threaten me. The water rub down was not going to cut it. I had to go get him some heroin that minute. So I had to go to the street and find a way to purchase the drugs. I returned with it and rubbed him down. He appeared to go into a trance like state of being high and I also did. I don't know if it's pertinent but it seemed this all took place in a very stark white bathroom and there was water on the floor that he swam &/or slithered in.

FFS.....SNAKES ARE CLASSIC PHALLIC SYMBOLS. Even this from the dream dictionary: The snake may also be seen as phallic and thus symbolize dangerous and forbidden sexuality. How the hell did I miss this until today??? He told me it was SAFE to interact with him. He told me to appease him. Until it wasn't enough and he began to threaten me because the old ways were not going to cut it anymore. Jesus.......this is all about my abuse and possibly (b/c of the drug aspect) how it ties into my addictions. I feel like I just got whacked upside the head by a wrecking ball. Oh....My.....God.

1 comment:

Marj aka Thriver said...

Yes, the symbolism seems pretty direct to me, too. I think it's easier to see at first in another's dream than in our own.

Thanks for your insights and kind words on my blog the other day. I agree with your assessment of my own dream and I've been talking to my T about it.