Six years

Six years.  That is how long one prescription of Xanax has lasted me.  I still have a few rolling around in the bottle.  Good to know they still work.  But sad to report I had to test their effectiveness this weekend.  Was this an ironic lesson?

My last post about my feelings on how to deal with B's focus issues mentioned how I am so steadfastly opposed to medication.  I am a naturopathic girl, all the way.  Yet the panic and anxiety attacks I suffered this weekend were some of the worst I have ever had.  After two nights of living hell, I caved to a Xanax last night and enjoyed a peaceful nights sleep.  Even though I had to live with the Xanax "hangover" this morning.....eh, it was a good excuse to stop at Starbucks. 

So, maybe sometimes, despite my beliefs and good intentions.....drugs can be a solution. 

.................................Nah, I still hate myself for even thinking about it.

I still feel I am suffering from depression but I just refuse to go the anti-depressant route again.  I did not like how they made me feel.  I felt so numb.  And coming off them was a stone cold nightmare.  Unless I am in danger of throwing myself off a cliff, I will get through this without.  I'd like to return to acupuncture but I'm still waiting to hear back from the Dr after my freak-out a couple weeks ago.  I asked them to remove the offending substance from their office on the days I am there.  They were not sure how to answer me on that.  I have to think about how I will handle this if they come back unwilling to do so.  Spiteful me wants to say that I'm done going there and ask for a refund of all the treatment plan money I have pre-paid.  But I really have to think about what is best.  B has benefitted greatly from her treatments there and so have I.  There are not really many other options for me to change practices.  I dunno.  I got nothin.