GET OUT!!!!!!

Did a little anger work tonight. It was my T homework and, after my appt last Weds night, I'd made a promise to do some work on it every night. Naturally, I've not done it. But tonight, after being called on it by a friend earlier today, I had to give it a try. Though I spent all day with a migraine and associated issues, I came down to the basement to do my homework. The point of the exercise wasn't even "anger work", per se. Just an attempt to get the energy flowing in my body, under the premise that the shoulder/neck/chest pains I have are basically my emotions, namely anger, "frozen" inside my body. So I did my breathing. I got into an open mental state. I felt like an idiot as I swung my bat and hit the foam beanbag chair. Started to get into a bit. I dropped the bat and started swinging closed fist punches into the air. OUCH. That really pulled on my sore shoulder and neck. But there was something intensely gratifying about that pain. No pain, no gain? So I started talking to the pain. "Get Out! Get Out!" and with a few more hard swings that all but knocked me backwards, I had a rush of images of being molested and raped and silently taken advantage of as the words "Get Out Of MY BODY!!!" spewed from my mouth and I knew I was no longer talking just to the anger and the physical pain.

I stopped after that because I felt I'd accomplished enough for my first night of "homework." I layed down on my back over the chair to open myself up for deep breathing. And relaxing. And crying. Though my shoulders are very sore right now, it's a "loose" type of sore. Probably because it's the first deep stretch those muscles have had in a very long time. I think I hold them near atrophy! Interesting. And intriguing enough to bring me back to the basement tomorrow night. That T....she's so freakin' wise. If I didn't love her so much, I'd possibly be annoyed at how often she's right! :o) Now the homework to the homework is to attempt to keep it loose back there!