Friday, December 28, 2007

2007 ~ 2008

Looking back and Looking ahead.

2007 ~ The year in review.
1. Buying my own place & moving. A definite HIGH point!!!
2. Breaking up with my XBF. A low point at the time but something that's been really good for me.
3. Getting on anti-anxiety medication. Something I fought for a very long time and finally acquiesced. It's been helpful.
4. Resuming an old friendship.
5. Therapy work - several epiphanies have occurred and I feel like I've made more progress in the last couple months than in the years prior.
6. Addressed my addiction though I have not yet gotten a handle on it.
7. Dating & being able to walk away from people who would have previously sucked me in. Having a better handle on who I am and what I expect from a relationship.
8. Starting a new way of relating to my mother.
9. Being able to spontaneously process emotions & doing some anger work.
10. I believe I have lowered my unrealistic expectations of myself to at least some degree. I still want to be able to accomplish more than most human beings! But I've allowed myself to relax at times instead of forcing myself to continue "doing" all the time.
11. I've been in touch with myself enough in times of stress to do my grounded breathing and relaxation exercises.
12. I finally got over a huge hump of not being able to call what happened with my brother abuse. I can say it now. I can believe it now.

2007 ~ My Goals at this time last year & how I did with them:
1. Finish reading my self help books: I not only didn't finish the ones I had but I bought new ones that I didn't read either!!
2. Move out: Check it off the list, it's done!!
3. Find a realistic level at which to deal with my mother: I am hovering around this place right now. A work in progress.
4. Growth in relationships with XBF (see #2 above...we see how that worked out) and with DD, which is very stong and happy.
5. Decide how I feel about God. If I say I decided that I still feel confused about God, does that mean I've done this one?? ;o) **Added 12/30: You know it came to me as I re-read this that I did figure out how I felt about God. I feel ANGRY. Really, deeply incensed and the mere mention of trusting Him triggers my rage. I think I like to say I'm "confused" instead because I know how wrong it is to feel fury at God. But I do. That's where I'm at and it does no good for me to be less than honest.
6. Come clean to my T about my addiction: Yes, I did that much.

Goals for 2008
1. Let's just start back at the same my self help books!
2. Continue good therapy work, which includes progress in my emotional work and anger work, as well as firmly establishing this new "dance" with my mother.
3. Attack my addiction. Establish healthy coping skills. Maybe even join the group therapy at the eating disorder clinic.
4. Find a babysitter other than my mother.
5. Try coming off medication
6. Try a new church....just go at least one time and see how it feels.
7. Do the meditation CD's that my T is going to give me (hopefully tomorrow)
8. Do Inner Child work
9. Bridge the Heart/Head gap at least somewhat or on some subjects
10. Get more sleep & make time to do some grounded breathing every day.
11. Grieve my losses or at least understand what it involves to do so. I don't think I've ever done it which is why I think I'm holding so tightly right now to trying to change the way certain relationships ended.

Okay....I think that's enough for now. Seeing T tomorrow.....lots to discuss.

1 comment:

Enola said...

It is absolutely NOT wrong to be angry at God. He can handle it. Look at the Psalms - they are full of David raging at God. It's okay. God can handle it. My T encouraged me to go out and yell, scream and rage at God. You know I'm not one for that anger expression, but I have expressed some of it. Would love to talk more about this with you over IM if you want.