Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I'm so "nice"

After I left T on Saturday, I had to stop at the bank. There was a man who walked in right before me and we both walked up to the counter where the bank forms and 2 chained pens are located. We were both making deposits consisting of several checks. His pen didn't work. He was waiting for me to finish so he could use my pen. I was in a state of high anxiety, nervous, feeling pressured to finish, feeling "watched", judged. Feeling like HE, this total stranger who was being completely patient, should not have to wait for ME. So I handed him the pen and let him do his deposit as I waited for him to finish. I felt really uncomfortable just standing there waiting. Embarassed, really. Embarassed at how worthless and insignificant I feel. As he was finishing up, he realized that I wasn't done yet. He said "You're not even done with it? Oh, you're so nice! Thank you!" Sure....I'll let you think I'm just nice, sir. Better than admitting I'm just a self-loathing, pathetic idiot.

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