Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Inner Child Work #2

Is it "normal" that I really don't enjoy playing? Even now, with my 3 year old DD. I find I have a very short tolerance for play and for not being "productive". I'm just wondering how much, in any at all, of that is my issues with supressing my Inner Child and how much of it could just be my personality. Do they HAVE to be related to one another??

I'm going at the IC work with trepidation. I know when I force through something, I am very persuasive. So much so that I manage to fool everyone, myself included, into thinking I've done the work. This is where being a writer is NOT a good thing. I can become so immersed in the fantasy I want to create that I live it in my head. The point of IC work this time is to feel it in my heart. Can't trust that pesky head.

So I'm looking at a bunch of research I did some time ago and a long list of "Who is the Inner Child" responses. These are the ones I make a connection with:
The "Inner Child" is the:
~Hurt, pained, neglected, frustrated, abused, and ignored you whom you have masked, hidden from view, and denied the existence of. This child is always just below the surface, causing you to be anxious, worried, and fearful of mistreatment.
~Fun loving, happy, frivolous, joyful, humorous you when you were young and unsophisticated; that person you have replaced with a sophisticated, mature, serious, task oriented demeanor.
~Person who knows how to have fun and play for play's sake; who can help you prevent burnout and manage the stress in your life.
~Person you could be as an adult if you lightened up, let go of your seriousness, overcame your fears, and accepted flexibility and change in your life.

Okay....so I can deal with some of those answers. I guess I always picture my IC as this little girl cowering in the dark corner of my heart and it never sits right with me. But if I think of it in terms of cause & effect, then maybe I can connect to it better. Okay...weird that I said I want to make a heart connection and I start with an intellectual analysis. Typical, actually. LOL.

Moving on:
How did the "Inner Child" get there?
The "Inner Child":
Resides in every adult person.
Lives in every adult because it is captured in the brain's memory bank.
Exists in the memory or subconscious because each one of us has poignant memories of our past that shape our present motivation and future drive.
Exists because when we adopted specific behavior characteristics and behavior scripts to cope in our dysfunctional environment we masked, covered up, or forgot the "real'' inner child we had been.
Comes back to many of us in our dreams or daydreams. We can clearly picture what the little child looks like and how the child is feeling and acting.
Is the person we controlled, repressed, and hid in order to survive in the world of stress. Since it was repressed we held onto it in our subconscious.
Is the link we have to our spiritual being because it is in the spirit realm rather than in the realm of conscious behavior.
Is a component of our current value and belief system; however, we are unaware of its influence on our decisions.
Exists because when we were overcome by guilt as children, we climbed inside of ourselves to avoid the feelings of not being "good enough.''
Exists because when we were little our family rules required that we present an image of a happy, healthy family, even if we weren't. So we repressed our little child to appear more responsible, serious, and achievement oriented.

I need to stop here for tonight. It's rare that I regard some part of therapy with such skepticism and I'm sure it's noteworthy that it's shrouded this one particular topic for so SO long. For as long as I've been in therapy, in fact. So I'm going to go slowly. And when there are parts I don't connect to, I will take a break and see what I can do to progress slowly. And productively.


Enola said...

I don't enjoy playing either. I have to fake it. But there was a time I played. Hmmm maybe I'll have to blog about it.

Tink said...

I don't like playing all of the time either. I feel a lot like you, that it's not productive. What I want to be doing is scrapping or reading, what others may feel as not productive.

That's why I think I'm too selfish to be a mom sometimes- I want to do what I want when I want to.

But like I said on Enola's post- when I get DS to laugh, it's all worth it. Even if the laundry doesn't get done.

Rising Rainbow said...

I haven't got a clue how to play (like children play or with them) and I can't relate to ever being a child. But I do sure have this horse thing going on and I know that comes from my inner child.

I'm not sure you have to reinvent that child to be happy. But you do have to figure out what she wants and needs and make sure that's what she gets to ever break free of the chains of abuse.