Thursday, April 24, 2008

The "V" Word, Part 2

Starting with 2 quick updates:
#1 ~ (from the 2:20am post) I had my glass door replaced the following morning. Thought alot about it and I really believe it was something unintentional; perhaps some kids playing baseball in the yard or something. I'm feeling mostly okay...just *slightly* on edge.
#2 ~ As of yesterday, I've completed 45 days binge free. I don't know why I'm not feeling very excited about it. I know it's good news. But I'm just kindof "eh".

Alrightee.....getting back to the "V" word. Vulnerability, Part Two.

More from what I found online:
What are some benefits of vulnerable behavior?
The following vulnerable behavioral traits can be beneficial:

Being open to new possibilities in life enables you to explore your options more freely and to gain insight into the healthiest and most productive, growth-enhancing alternatives for yourself.

Being helped through a support group or counseling situation enables you to gain assistance, helping you cope with your life and circumstances that have had some emotional impact on your mental health adjustment.

Opening yourself up to new social circumstances enables you to meet new people who have the potential of becoming true emotional supports.

Not always pleasing or placating others, letting them see your negative side, enables you to feel less responsible for everyone elses' welfare and takes the sense of burden out of your life.

Not always being a "do for" person, letting others accept the responsibility to do for themselves, enables you to lift the weight of obligation out of your life. You can enjoy being with people, not feeling burdened or tied down by them.

Using healthy communication, with good give and take, enables you to clarify areas in which you need to grow, to change, improve, and strengthen your relationships.

Being open to deal with emotional issues gives you a chance to identify the blocked feelings and beliefs that have prevented you from enjoying full health and well-being.

Letting others into your "emotional life space" enables you the opportunity to experience an authentic, supportive, growth-enhancing relationship.

Tuning into your own feelings enables you to recognize your personal humanity and gives you a healthy perspective of yourself, your problems, and your place in life. It enables you to be focused realistically as you face your problems and concerns.

Being open to change and altering your behavior patterns gives you the chance to rid yourself of unproductive and maladaptive habits that impede your emotional health and personal growth.

What behavior traits will help you open yourself to vulnerability?
Trying new behaviors *Done this!
Taking a risk *Done this!
Initiating contact with strangers *Done this!
Tuning into feelings of others and yourself *Doing this
Willingness to get help for yourself *Done this
Being open to receiving help and support from others *Ehhh....I'm trying
Being honest with others and yourself when it would be easier to lie in order to avoid conflict *I've been trying it
Accepting change when it comes your way *Who said the "C" word???
Looking for deeper reasons or motives for your own behavior *Possibly a little too much!
Self-disclosure of your weaknesses to others *ACK!! I think I need to breathe into a paper bag just reading this one!!!!
Being direct and precise about your feelings, beliefs, and attitudes when discussing them
Willingness to listen to honest feedback *Sure, when it's positive & from the right person! Other than that, not so much. LOL.
Dealing with anger in a productive, non-offensive manner (Insert laughter here)
Letting go of fears that impede your movement toward others
Letting go of guilt or remorse over the past *Think I'm okay on this one
Letting go of hostility, bitterness, and resentment toward others for past hurts *Still working on this one.
Development of trust in others' good will *
Willingness to be seen as weak or emotional *I'm going to pretend I didn't see this one! La-la-la-la!!
Accepting your humanness, failures, and mistakes as OK *Go back & read the intro to my blog.......not bloody likely!!
Understanding the reasons you are risking vulnerability *I do
Feeling secure enough to admit your failings, mistakes, and losses

Steps to increase your ability to be vulnerable and grow
Step 1: Read the material in this section, then answer the following questions in your journal:
a. Do you believe that being vulnerable makes you a candidate for personal growth? What are your reasons for this belief? Yes, I do. For me, I know that I restrict my vulnerability out of fear. Living in fear is certainly not parallel with personal growth. It would take a tremendous leap of faith for me to show my vulnerability and that will certainly prove growth on my part.

b. Do you resist or avoid being in a growth situation in which you feel vulnerable? What are some of your reasons for avoiding being vulnerable? I don't know that it's a "growth" situation that I avoid. It tends to be personal relationships which are most affected. I avoid being vulnerable for a variety of reasons. As I've already stated, fear is one. Another is my unrealistic desire to maintain an illusion of perfection. Another is self-preservation. If no one can get close to me, no one can hurt me. If I don't depend on anyone, no one can disappoint me.

c. What behavior traits illustrate your avoidance of vulnerability? Unwillingness to reach out to my friends when I'm hurting. Quick dismissal of possible romantic relationships. Extreme difficulty accepting advice from others. Unwillingness to be seen as weak or needy.

d. What beliefs lead you to avoid vulnerability and growth? Past experiences had taught me to believe that vulnerability = pain. There have been many times in my life I've made myself vulnerable and it's ended disastrously. What I need to remember are that those experiences began when I was unable to decipher even what vulnerability was. And I've made poor, uninformed choices in later life of who to open up to. I think, of late, I've considered the risk:reward ratio and decided that no amount of reward was worth the slightest risk. This thinking needs to be reprogrammed.

e. What behavior traits need to be developed in order to be vulnerable and grow? I need to be "the turtle"....Slow & Steady Wins The Race. I think I need to develop more confidence in myself, first of all. Reprogam my thinking. As I quoted before "Fear & discomfort do not kill you". I have to evaluate who is deserving of my trust and vulnerability, then dole it out in gradual amounts to see how it goes. It's okay if it feels scary at first. There is no reward without the risk. I have to be willing to take the risk in order to enrich my relationships. I've done it in took me years but I've done it. I go in there open and vulnerable. And you's been more rewarding by far since I began approaching it that way.

Steps 2 - 5 to follow.

A summary for myself about what I've written here. My problem areas with vulnerability seem to be:
1. Reaching out to others for help
2. Admitting my own weaknesses, humanness, failures & mistakes
3. Accepting feedback from others
4. Dealing with anger
5. Trusting other people


Enola said...

45 days? YEAH YEAH YEAH - that is awesome!

Tink said...

SOOO proud of you!