Wednesday, December 17, 2008

10 Honest Things

This was awarded to me by both Mile191 and April Optimist. Thanks to both of you. With this award, I need to post 10 honest things about myself.
Which means I have to find things that are not among the honest issues I post about everyday, I guess.....!!
1. When I am overwhelmed with too much stuff to do, I tend to do nothing. Like here at work where I'm so behind. But it's easier for me to sit here and blog or do online Christmas shopping. Of course, that was also a "necessity" since I recently had no internet at home for 3 weeks!
2. I await my fathers death with beited breath. And frankly, the more time that goes by with him still alive, the more it just really pisses me off. I know this is all wrong. I know I am allowing him to control me by feeling this way and that I'm not living in the now. But it's where I'm at. I don't know why I feel there will be some peace for me once he's gone. I definitely feel like he deserves to die even though I know that's not my call. There was a time when, if I thought I could get away with it, I would have killed him myself.
3. I'm really crafty. I can make just about anything from painting to sewing. In fact, I painted an entire Christmas village of houses and people. Bianca is mesmerized by it this year. I used to have my own crafts business and I hope to get back to it someday.
4. I have a bad gossiping habit. And I'm judgmental, too.
5. I secretly plan out how I would spend the money if I were to win the powerball jackpot. Including "building" my imaginary future dream home.
6. I'm a hobby writer. I have a huge chunk of a book written and it really just needs to be all tied together. I think the biggest reason I don't finish it is because I don't know what to do with it when it's done. The thought of putting it out there for feedback & criticism is more than I can deal with right now!
7. There is a friend who I desperately want to see this holiday season. Except I'm so hideously ashamed of my weight gain, and change in appearance, that I don't want this person to see me in return. I think that if I did not have Bianca, I would be in true danger of becoming a recluse. That is not my usual sarcasm....I'm 100% dead serious.
8. I've owned my condo for almost 2 years now and I've never seen the attic. Besides the fact that attics creep me out, I'm secretly afraid that the ladder will break when I step on it.
9. I've had an incredibly difficult time doing this exercise. In fact, it's taken me a week. Everytime I start another statement, I think that no one is interested in that topic,or it's an "overshare" or it's stupid. See #4 above.....judgmental. Of myself more than anyone else.


mile191 said...

thank you...this brings more tears to me today. I wish i could hug you. but not leaving the house...and staring and crying is all i can thanks for your honesty. so much of how you feel. i am not alone..

take care. with love ♥

Enola said...

If I'm #7, you better not miss out on seeing me! I don't care about your weight gain. I just want to see you and your beautiful daughter. If it is any consolation, when I look at you, I am mesmerized by your flawless complexion (and totally jealous since this stupid IUD hormones have me broken out like a teenager) and your beautiful hair.

and if I'm not number 7, just pretend I am. Because I'd like to know someone wants to see me this holiday!

Oh and #4 - that's me too.

Strong and determined said...

I love (#9) that you worry about an "overshare." That is SO me! I think for me it has to do with the isolation factor. When I keep to myself so much, and then befriend someone, I fear oversharing, or TMI (too much information) because I don't seem to have the balance needed to communicate effectively. I either share nothing, or too much. I also relate on #1!

I always admire your honesty and open nature. I aspire to be more open, as I sit here reading others blogs and not writing on my own. :)

AND - it would be great to be able to meet you, although I know I am not #7. :)