Disconnected

In more ways than one.

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I'll start with the literal explanation. Internet. Still disconnected. STILL!!!! For 10 days now. I had an appt for last Mon 11/24 & they were a no show. Appt for Weds & the guy didn't have the right equipment. Appt Friday morning, right equipment but it was defective and he only had one with him. Appt yesterday, no show. When I called about it, their "records" indicate the appt was cancelled because the issue was "resolved". WTF?!?! People, I have a dead modem. All I need is a new one. This is NOT rocket science. I've spent hours on the phone with them, waiting for them, hanging at home. All for naught. I'm livid. I just missed out on listing my Ebay stuff for the biggest shopping weekend of the year. I missed out on special internet buying opportunities that were only good over the weekend. I brought my work home with me and wasn't able to touch a scrap of it. Ohhhhh did they get a earful from me and I'm not done yet. They are supposed to come fix it tonight but I have yet to receive a confirmation of that fact. Rat Bastards.

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Moving on.....oh where to begin??? Bianca is feeling better, thank goodness. On Weds, I picked her up from school and she was still pretty miserable. She even asked me, more than once, to take her back to the hospital! :o( Breaking my heart. I thought I was going to have to for a while there Weds night but she finally stopped coughing and was able to fall asleep. By Thurs, she was much improved. I'm glad we had no plans on Thurs. Just hung out, relaxed and watched the parade. Friday we went to my Mom's house for TG dinner, stayed over and baked Christmas cookies all day Saturday. Yesterday was largely spent cursing (both silently and aloud) at the cable company.
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I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I haven't slept much. Starting from last Tues where we were at the ER. Then Weds, she was up late coughing again and I was on edge so not sleeping much. Thurs up late doing cooking & packing for the weekend. Fri at my Mom's....dear lord what an uncomfortable bed!! I barely slept at all and when I finally got out of bed in the morning, my back was killing me. For some cruel reason I can't figure out, I felt totally wide awake Sat night and stayed up til like 2am. Bianca, naturally, woke up at 5:30 Sun AM. She woke up crying, telling me she'd "had an accident" (wet the bed). So I got up to help her and she had like 2 drips in her PJ's.....virtually nothing!! But she was all worked up and didn't want to go back to bed, insisted we go downstairs. I layed on the couch while she played but didn't get any worthwhile rest. After a few hours of "Watch me! Let's play this game! I'm hungry, will you make me breakfast? I'm thirsty, can we make hot chocolate? etc, etc" I finally got up to shower & get ready for the cable co...who never showed up. Last night, between the cable nightmare, & being stressed about not accomplishing anything, I couldn't fall asleep.

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**Warning....the following is a shameless whine**

I caught Bianca's cold. My nose is very unhappy. It stings. My sinuses feel clogged. I have a headache. Not a migraine but the sun was very bright this AM on wet roads causing a glare like I've never seen before. It was making my head feel like icepicks were being shoved through my eyes and was making me nauseous. I'm severely dizzy and can't figure out if it's migranous, sinus related or sleep deprived. Maybe all of the above but I can't walk a straight line. Every time I take a step I feel like electric shocks are buzzing through my body. And every time I cough, I feel like my skull is going to split in two. I feel sideways.....I don't know how else to explain that. I'm not sure the origin of the sensation but I feel like I'm tipped forward and to the side. It makes it incredibly difficult to function. This morning while getting ready, I whined and whined and whined. I felt horrible. I layed down on my bed after my shower and felt like I needed to have a breakdown. I opened myself up for it and I eked out three measly tears. Seriously? I can produce more eye water than that from a good yawn!! I don't know what's wrong with me. How can I manage to feel so tightly wound at the same time I feel so disconnected and fallen apart??

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Remember when I had the viral conjunctivits a few weeks ago? And then the virus travelled the rest of my body making me basically one with the couch for 3 days? Well, my special reward for enduring that was ending up with a pilonidal cyst. If you're not familiar, it's basically an abcess at the bottom on the tailbone (which is the nice way of saying the top of your butt - gross) My plan was to leave it alone. Without getting into gory details, it basically takes care or itself after a certain amount of time. But it's come back 3 times in as many weeks now so I did a little research and found that, left untreated, recurring cysts can lead to skin cancer and blood poisoning. Which means now I basically have no choice but to have it surgically removed. I can't tell you how the thought of that makes me squirm in about a dozen different directions.

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Eating....still out of control. Blood sugar levels not improving one iota, even on the medication. I feel like an absolute freak of nature blob. I don't want to be seen. I don't want to see myself. I dress like a frump in whatever mismatched ensemble happens to be baggy enough to not make me feel suffocated. This, from a former fashionista, is so mortifying. I detest myself. I've not heard back from Renfrew since last Weds. I've already shut myself down from the idea of them being able to help me. I don't know where to turn next but I feel like it's up to me alone. And right now, I want to be alone. I just wish I could have some peace. I have no peace.