We were at the mall a few weeks ago and Bianca was getting a little tired so I rented this "mall buggy". Made my life easier as well since I had several packages which I stowed underneath. I was very pleased they placed this clear warning on the buggy not to place my child in the bag. Phew....I was about to stuff her in there and strap my purse in the stroller! Thank heavens the mall is prepared for the complete morons who may be wheeling children around.....All joking aside....this has been on my mind off & on for a few weeks. I posted here about an essay I'd written in 6th grade about something I'd done over the summer. And I wrote about an experience I'd had with a 30-ish year old man. An experience which included drinking wine and sexual activity. I never realized it should be cause for concern. My original post questions why the teacher, or other school officials, didn't get involved on some level.
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Why didn't the "better" question occur to me until now?
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Why was I, a 10 year old girl, left alone with a grown man who was not family?? (Not that family necessarily matters since they can obviously abuse as much as anyone else but at least there is some "expectation" of safety in a familial relationship) He was a man on my Aunt's bowling league who I had a massive crush on. They all thought it was so funny and picked on me about it mercilessly. I flirted with him. I used my unfortunately learned skills of seduction.
Sex as a weapon.....
sex is a way to get what you want....
all you have to offer a man is sex.....
you are good for nothing else.....
just give up what he wants from you.....
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I wanted to be loved. He paid attention to me. I liked the attention. I needed the attention. I threw myself on him and he knew he could take whatever he wanted from me. And he did. At the time, I thought it was the greatest experience in the world. I felt special. I had something that no other girl my age had. How jealous they would all be that *I* was so much more special than they. So worldly, experienced, grown up and loved by a real man.
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And when I told my friends, they said I was lying. What would a grown man want with a little girl like me? To them, such a scenario was preposterous. Impossible. Would never happen. I was a liar, delusional. They shared the story with others in school and spread rumors about me. I was so confused......the man who "loved me" was never heard from again. The friends who would so enviously ask me about every detail of my little love affair shunned and ridiculed me. And I was left wondering.....what is wrong with me?????
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What was wrong with my Aunt who thought it was okay to dump me at the home of her adult bowling league buddy just because I had a crush on him? Did I need to wear a warning: DO NOT PUT CHILD IN ADULT SITUATIONS. She is just a kid......
4 comments:
In the 80s there was supposed to be a new awareness about the exploitations of children. Guess the keywords here "supposed to be." All of those talk shows about the sexual abuse of children didn't seem to get to anyone you were in contact with. So much for thinking things were getting better by talking about it.
Ooh, good questions, Kim. Was your aunt often that irresponsible? Why would they leave you there with him in the first place? Since they knew you had a crush on him, did they...not have a brain in their heads? Hello! Male of any age + willing female = anyone can do the math.
You don't have to answer these questions, I'm horrified at their lack of responsibility. Maybe it's someone on your blog before I started reading, I'll try to go back this weekend and see, or maybe I missed it in your post, but I didn't realize you were left at some guy's house like that. For some reason I was thinking maybe there was a family friend around, during a party or something, etc etc. That is just awful.
But it is so good that you had that thought. To me it shows that you are starting to look elsewhere for the blame, instead of only at yourself. You are thinking, doing the work.
I meant "somewhere" on your blog before I started reading it, not someone.
You're right. Today's question is better than the original... and it never occurred to me either...
It's amazing sometimes how the obvious eludes us.
-else
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