Darnit!!!!

I've been SO looking forward to starting the father seminar on tape that my T gave to me. I've not really had time but tonight I decided I needed to make a little time to get started. Well....it's not the seminar she meant to give me. She said it should be one called "Healing the Father Wound" but it's actually another one called "Where Are You Father" and I'm missing tape #1. It starts on tape #2. Grrrr! I really wanted to work on this this week! Well, naturally because I'm so ever-lovin impatient, I decided to listen to a little bit of it.

Here's what I got so far. He talked about how children are intrinsically egocentric and any type of abuse or abandonment is taken completely personally by a child, feeling like it's their own fault, that they are unlovable or somehow deserving of the pain they are subjected to. He suggested writing a letter with your non-dominant hand to your father basically detailing "You hurt me when......, I was angry when...., etc." (I'm not ready to do this, BTW!) Be in touch with hurt & pain and be sure to get validation back for it from a safe person. Don't analyze or intellectualize his behavior because it takes you out of your feelings. This is a huge issue for me.....I intellectualize the abuse of every family member of mine. I empathize with how they ended up the way they did and what caused them to act out on me. When I do that, I cannot reach my anger.

And then the speaker played this song before moving into a part about Inner Child work. This song sucked. Sucked as in: punched me in the gut and made me cry sucked. I haven't gone any further on the tape....plenty for one night, thanks.

Richard Wagner - Remember the Child
(This might be confusing to read....it supposed to be like the alphabet "A-B-C" but the "C" is then part of the lyric, as in the word "see". You'll figure it out, LOL)

ABC me crying, Mama make me smile
Rock me in your arms a little while
ABC me crying, Won't you love your child?

EFG I'm sorry, Daddy take my hand
Tell me what I've done so bad
EFG I wonder why are you you so mad?
Don't you love me, Dad?

Cross my heart I swear Mom I won't cry no more
I'll just lay in silence down here on the floor
Cross my heart and hope to die if you don't want me anymore

123 for you Mom I won't talk so loud
I won't laugh so hard, I'll shut my mouth
123 for you Mom I won't make a sound

Doe-Ray-Mean and angry words
Heard through my bedroom walls loud and clear
Doe-Ray-Me I lie awake and shake with fear
And wish I had no ears

Try to remember the child that once was you
Did you hide in the darkest corner of your lonely room
And pray to God to help you through the long and lonely night
Afraid to holler Mama, oh please come hold me tight

Go on and close your eyes, Mom
Take a little trip through time, Dad
Let it all come back to you
And give unto every child the love, the love denied to you
And remember the child will remember...
And remember the child will remember....his whole lifetime too.