Sunday, February 24, 2008

Pure Joy

My DD's name loosely translates to the title of this post....pure joy. Well, she's 3 1/2 years old so she may not be PURE joy all the time (wink) but she is the light of my life, for sure. She's sick this morning. My friend J came over yesterday and spent the night. She and I headed upstairs to go to bed around 1am and DD woke up. Said she wanted to sleep in my bed with me. So I let her. Only to be woken up early this morning by the telltale noise that shoots every mother out of bed in a fraction of a second. *hurk* Popped up and shoved my hands under her mouth to catch handfuls of puke. As she started to heave again, I (gross, sorry) wiped it on my shirt, grabbed her to run to the bathroom which of course resulted in a stream of puke all over my bed, walls, carpet, closet, bathroom floor and rug with about a teaspoon ended up in the toilet before she was done. *sigh* Goooooooood Morning!! Cleaned it up, gave her a bath, still working on the laundry......

We're now sitting on the couch together. She can't even keep down pedialyte so there have been a few more, much smaller, episodes. As we're laying here, I just look at beautiful. So unbelievably precious, she takes my breath away. So innocent. So trusting. I love to touch her, hug her, snuggle with her, hold her little hands. I love to rub her back and her legs and feet. Touch her chubby cheek, her little upturned nose, her smooth forehead. Love to twist her hair and bounce her headful of curls. I'm obsessed with her little belly button, which seems half innie, half outie, because I know that is where she and I were attached as she grew inside my body. I love this child something crazy. I adore her with everything I am. I cannot fathom not feeling this way about my baby.

I guess sometimes the depth of my indescribable love for her overwhelms me and it hits me that much harder how my parents could act the ways they did. What happened in them that they were unable to feel this pure joy and protect me like the gift I was? How any parent could hurt a child. I will never, never, never ever comprehend.


Tink said...

As you know, I wonder this all of the time. Yesterday, I smacked DS. He was throwing a tantrum, pulling on my pants while I was trying to hang things in the closet.

I smacked him. He cried louder. I immediately appologized to him. How could I have hit this little boy? I was so mad at myself! So, I wonder, if I felt this bad over a smack on the arm- what the heck is wrong with our parents?

Sorry DD is sick. It is going around. DS had it a few weeks ago, and I'm struggling with the congestion/cough thing this weekend. I hope DD feels better and you don't catch it.

Enola said...

Aw poor little baby. And what is it about mothers that causes us to instinctively catch vomit. I had my own vomit-catching episode this weekend.

So sorry she is sick. Praying she gets better too. But in some small way, I am glad that her illness allowed you to see the joy in being a mom. You're a great mother! Even in those temper tantrum moments (her not you :) )! Never forget it.