Thursday, February 7, 2008


I am feeling so sad right now. I dropped DD off this morning at daycare and she pointed out a wall of Valentine hearts that all the kids made. These are some of my favorite projects. The teachers ask the kids a question and then write their answers on the project. So the question was obviously "who do you love?" I found DD's heart and it said "I love my mommy and my daddy" I've been crying since I saw it. She has never met her bio-father by his choice. I dated someone else from the time she was 2 months old and we were together for over 2 year. He became her daddy by choice and then just bailed on us. I can't believe she hasn't seen XBF in a year and she still talks about him and misses him. I feel like I'm depriving her of something so huge by not having a father in her life. I know I'm a good Mom and all.....but I still feel like she's missing something she needs. If it didn't matter to her, she would not still be thinking about him.

Maybe it triggers my father issues also. And I'm probably putting a certain amount of adult logic on this. And maybe she only said it because most of her classmates were saying it too. But punched me in the gut when I saw it and I had to jet out of there before she saw me break down. One of the teachers saw me and she knew what I was upset about and then SHE started crying too!! She's so sweet. This is just such a huge issue for me. Immediately, I thought I need to pull myself together and start dating so I can find her a daddy!! I know that's not the answer. I guess I just want sooooo deeply for DD to have everything that I did not. And that "everything" includes having a loving Dad. She's already got the Mom who is a thousand times more on-the-ball than the one I had/have! And I know that counts for alot; I do. But it's not everything. And I know she may well be just fine being raised by a single Mom. But I know her life would be enriched by a good father or father figure and she just doesn't have one. It breaks my heart.

ps - DD is popular with the boys in class. They all chase her. Of course, she has a crush on the only one who doesn't chase her! I had to laugh (and feel a little bad for the Mom) when I saw what DD's "crush" had written on his heart. It said "I love Daddy and (DD's name)" Too cute!!


April_optimist said...

Much sympathy. Parenting is tough at the best of times--and far tougher under circumstances like these.

Enola said...


I did have to laugh at the little boy though.

Rising Rainbow said...

This is something she's going to have to work out on her own. You can't fix it for her as much as you want too. All you can do is love her and give her the skills to deal with these feelings as she grows.

Marj aka Thriver said...

This breaks my heart and makes me want to cry, too. But, I think you gotta just focus on that part about the fact that she's got a real mom. Something I never had and worth soooo much!

Angel said...

Having a dad isn't all it's cracked up to be by Hallmark. At least she doesn't have an abusive dad in her life. That's a positive.

You're right that she's a million times better off with you as a mom. You can't fix everything to perfection for her. Give yourself some credit--you're doing a great job with her!

And how funny about the little boy's valentine! His poor mom, that must really have hurt her feelings.