A new photo for a new attitude

No one may have ever noticed the photo all the way at the bottom of my blog page before. This is what it was. ~~>
This kindof stark and dirty wall with the word "heal" as a question. Heal? My caption was "Can I really do it?" And it was a legitimate question at the time I started this blog, which really was not that long ago. August 15, 2007, in fact....almost 6 months to the day. Wow. I feel like there has been such growth in me during these months.

Today I was perusing my blog and, when I looked at the picture, I felt that it no longer represented where I'm at in my journey. So I have replaced it with a new photo. A photo which makes reference to a recent comment by my T. This was from a recent post:

"It's really pretty cool to be present in my life so much of the time now. It's cool to be able to see things and connect things. T said she was recently taking a walk on the beach with her dogs and it was a misty, foggy morning. She said at first it was really nice...comforting, mysterious and a certain peace to it. But then it starts to feel isolating and you wonder what is beyond the fog. Then once the fog lifts, you want to stay in the sunshine and be able to see what is out there. And such is therapy."

So I found the new photo at the bottom of my blog now because this is where I am today. The fog is lifting. I'm seeing things more clearly. I no longer desire the isolation and the cover of the fog. In fact, I find it downright suffocating. I want to see what is out there. That is how this photo made me feel. (Plus it was taken in New Hampshire which is my fave vacation spot!) The leaves in the foreground of the photo are very clear. The middle of the lake is a little hazy and the distance still in the fog. But you can tell the fog is rising and dissipating. And it makes me feel a little excited when I look at the picture....what is out there? What lies beyond that mist? What kinds of possibilities and beauty will be revealed? I feel so full of hope lately. I no longer question my ability to heal because I am certain I'm on the road. And this is a damn good place to be. It's not that life is all sunshine and roses now! I certainly still have my issues to work on. But at least I see them and they feel managable. And the best thing of all is that I really feel present in the here and now. I'm actively involved in my real, present day life. I'm able to sort out what is old stuff being triggered and make connections to my feelings. Heck, I'm able to feel my feelings!!

I used to feel like such a therapy dunce....it was like sitting there week after week after week with the same issues and hearing the same things from my T. I never got it. I couldn't understand why her seemingly wise advice never seemed to make it past circling my eardrums and bouncing back out into space! But just all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, and at no particularly dramatic moment in my life, it just *clicked*. Finally! I wish I could spread this feeling around to everyone in the world. Because I feel like I've unlocked the door leading down the hallway to owning my power and finding my freedom.