Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Shameless Whine

I am exhausted.
I have no energy.
I'm getting sick.
My right arm is killing me from the elbow pain, radiating up & down the arm and it's so weak that I can hardly do anything. It hurts to write, pick up the phone or open a door. I have to eat left handed. I can't wear makeup b/c I can't bend my elbow enough to get my hand to my face.
I'm so fat that none of my clothes fit anymore and I'm sick of being uncomfortable.
I can only seem to keep control of my eating for a few days at a time.
I'm miserable.
I'm disgusted with myself.
I'm tired of DD being sick. I'm tired of covering everything in towels & blankets b/c she looks like she's going to throw up every other minute. And I'm tired of fighting with her about it b/c she doesn't like things covered in towels & blankets and she screams at me every time I bring a bucket near her to catch it in case she does get sick.
I'm tired of fighting with her to get out of bed every morning.
These new antibiotics are giving her mad diarrhea and I feel bad for her. But I feel bad for me having to clean it up every hour, too.
I forgot to take my Effexor last night. And I keep forgetting to put some upstairs &/or in my purse. So I have none with me. Which means I have to get through this day without it and when I get home, all withdrawl-y, dizzy, shakey and mother will be there waiting for me. And DD will probably be crabby again. And if I have to have the "pull yourself together and be the grown-up" talk with my mother tonight, it may not be entirely gentle.
I'm behind in everything.
I'm just now finishing up a work assignment I started on 12/27! I can't focus because there are so many things that need to take priority. I'm worried about what is not done. (But of course I'm blogging instead of working)
I am tired of fighting with my manager and having to clean up all his messes.
My house is a disaster.
I have laundry, clean and dirty, piled up all over the place.
I haven't put away the clean dishes.
While this is a good thing in the long run....there is construction crap all over the place as the guys work on finishing my projects. It was supposed to take 1 week but we are now on week #3.
I haven't been able to leave the alarm on b/c they are in & out every day and so I'm more jumpy at night (ie: hard time falling asleep) knowing it was off all day.
I haven't paid my bills. I owe 3 months of common fees and I have no money.
I need to go to Costco b/c I'm out of essentials. But I have no time, no energy and no money. And my arm hurts too much to lift all those big cases of stuff.
I need to file my taxes so I can get some money.
I feel like I don't have any friends.
I miss having a boyfriend and I really want one again but I sabotage every guy who shows interest in me. Yet for some reason, I panic at the thought of removing my dating profile.
Why is it that I specifically say I don't ship internationally on Ebay and then the person who wins the auction lives in Germany and now she's giving me a hard time about the postage rate when she never asked me how much it would cost to ship to begin with? I don't set the rates, Frau-PainInMyRear. I am not the USPS. Just pay the damn invoice.
I need some more coffee. Even though it hurts like a son-of-a-b!^@# to lift the cup.
I would just really like to shut out the world, go to a spa, sit in a nice dim, warm room full of aroma-therapy, piano music and a non-triggering massage. Of course, there is no such thing as non-triggering massage for me.....and as for the spa....well, I have no time. And no money. :o(

1 comment:

Enola said...

hey you -next time I PM you and ask how you are, you better not say Okay or Fine! Off to check in with you.