Friday, March 21, 2008

Dear Daddy,

(If you've not been following along the last few posts, this is a letter to my fictional father. The Dad I've longed for all my life who I sortof created in the last post. Brought him "to life" so I could bid him farewell.)

Dear Daddy,
Where have you gone? Why have you left me? I miss you so much and I need you to just come and wrap your arms around me and tell me that you love me and that everything is alright. To remind me that I'm strong and that the bad memories don't have to overshadow everything that is good. I crave your voice and your sense of humor. I want your strong arms to wrap around me in shelter and support. I miss your caring advice, even when it's just silence because you know I already realize the right answer. You were so wise that way and I love that you allow me the freedom to be myself, always knowing I need not be more than that to make you proud. I miss our special times and I wish I had a hundred picture books and memory albums full of all of them. I miss your influence in DDs life and I know she would adore you the same way that I did and still do. I just need to hear you say that you wanted me and you cherished me and that you believe I was the biggest gift ever bestowed on you. That you never meant to leave me here alone. I want to be able to call you late at night and share with you the silly tidbits of the day because I know they will make your day better as well. I want to debate politics with you and exchange outlandish news stories. I want to have a memory bank of your favorite recipes and spend all day preparing them with DD because Grandpa is coming over and it's one of our favorite things to do. Where have you gone?? And don't you know how much I needed you?? Needed you to be the father you were supposed to be to me? Don't you know that your job to nurture me never ends even though I am grown up? It's not fair of you to leave me. It's not fair that I don't have you. Just because I'm not a little girl doesn' t mean that I don't need my daddy and I wasn't ready for you to leave me. I wasn't ready to let you go but I can see now that you are never returning and it pains me to the depths of my heart to say goodbye to you Daddy. You are my friend, my mentor, my helping hand and my crying shoulder. I don't know what to do without you but I release you because I know we will not see each other in this lifetime. It feels so wrong to let you go. I think of you, I miss you. I love you and I remember you with all my heart. Always.
Love, K.

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